I only managed to sit in my bath for 10 minutes this evening. I was fidgety, annoyed and panicking about uncertain plans for tomorrow. But 10 minutes is all that was needed to calm me down and help me realise I was perhaps being a little silly.
Today has literally been a brilliant day. A lot of meetings and immersed in work, seeing family and catching up with a great workshop in the middle provided by the company I work for – all about mental well being and happiness.
Today has been a bit of a wave. My happiness has come and gone. But I’ve ridden it out but did it without addressing the parts I probably should and it all came down to this moment, in the bath. I’d lost it just minutes before this, raising my voice at my other half because he didn’t understand why I felt like I did. But I mean, if he didn’t, how on earth am I supposed to?!
Today I learnt that happiness is not a goal. Happiness comes in stages. It is life itself, and it’s what you make it. It can sometimes be about riding the waves, but it’s how you ride them that dictates how that happiness appears.
I’m quite quick to have my moans and groans about the little things, being too tired, having a sore knee, back or even a sniffle. The worst is when I say “Owh, I’ve got a really bad headache” when truth be told a really bad headache was 100 times worse than the one I currently have. Hyperbole costs energy, particularly negative hyperbole. So does getting angry, stressed or raising your voice. It’s tiring. And I’m tired.
I’m so lucky to have an other half who understands that sometimes I only need a trigger, it doesn’t have to make sense. I’m so lucky to have an other half that knows, even if he can’t understand, can’t fix or can’t put things right, he will always try. The bath I’m sat in here, he ran for me. I’m so so lucky that I love him and he loves me.